10 jokes to tell! By Callum Scrase

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!


What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk!


Did you hear about the man who invented the knock knock joke?

He won the The No-bell prize!


What do you call a Spanish man with a rubber toe?



Did you hear about the plastic surgeon?

He melted by the fire!


How do bees get to work?

By the buzz!


Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Mikey who?

Mikey doesn’t work so open the door!


Knock knock.

Who’s there?


Ipick who?

I pick the lock if you don’t let me in!


What do you call a man with a spade in his head?



Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was going through a stage!






After Daniel Craig revealed he wasn’t going to carry on being the famous 007, but who will take his place?


After Daniels departure from the movie series last year, there has been a lot of speculation on who will take over his spot. Other potential possibilities include Idris Elba, Tom Hardy, Harry Styles, and Chris Hemsworth. After Daniel Craig took on the role it’s hard to imagine the next film without him playing the mysterious, adventurous character but so far James Norton has made the top spot of the next 007. James Norton and his previously work is agreeably very suitable for the role, judging from his work on Grantchester, Happy Valley and War and Peace, which all involve an element of crime work and mystery. So who do you think will take over the ever so famous British spy for the next thrilling action blockbuster?

The Malton School newspaper team are supporting the Encephalitis Society and the important work they do.

The society work hard to raise awareness of this little known condition and to support and help people who suffer from the condition, as well as their families.

The society also carries out valuable research into the condition in order to develop treatments.

Visit their website at www.encephalitis.info to find out more about encephalitis, the work of the society and to find out how you can help the charity, including details about their new app.



World Encephalitis Day 2018: a global campaign to raise awareness of encephalitis

Today, the 22nd February 2018, is World Encephalitis Day.

Lots of people have never heard of encephalitis, in fact 8 out of 10 people have never heard of the condition.

The Newspaper team at Malton School have been learning about encephalitis today. We have learnt five important facts about the disease:

  1.  Encephalitis is inflammation of the brain
  2. It can be caused by an infection or by the body’s own immune system attacking the brain by error
  3. Encephalitis can happen at any age
  4. It affects 500,000 people every year
  5. Encephalitis can lead to death or brain damage



The Tech Page

Welcome to the tech page, latest news on tech for the navy blazer. We will be reviewing the latest and highest rated tech from around the world. Today we will be reviewing the smart bacon express and the internet famous iPhone X. Are they worth it?

The smart bacon express


Intro: This interesting piece of tech can apparently cook bacon without flipping or covering it with unhealthy oil as it has a good non-stick coating 


It can cook bacon OK and has a non-stick plate. Also the fact that it cooks vertical so the grease all runs to the bottom. So the bacon has less fat in it so the bacon tastes as nice but it is healthier.


There are some bad things about this boar baker such as the price. You’d expect to think that the price for this would be about 20 pounds. It’s actually 50 which is a lot for a bacon toaster. Also some people like all the fats and oil. So it won’t be perfect or everyone.


I think that the bacon toaster is not worth the money as you could get more flavour out of properly cooking it.


IPhone X

It’s the phone everyone’s being talking about. The iPhone X has got the critics standing on their toes. Many love it, many hate it. We’re about find out if the 1000 dollar (900 pound) phone phenomenon is worth it.


This new iPhone has struck the public with its famous face id camera. The back facing camera can recognise your face even with makeup or a new haircut. The new camera undoubtedly will be the future of smart phones. Also for the first time the iPhone has gone full screen, abandoning the home button this means you can see more on your screen. 


The new iPhone X’s features have come at a cost. They have has to edit iOS to fit the phones needs so the iOS system is VERY buggy on the new iPhone. Also sometimes the face id doesn’t work. Research has shown that the materials used to make the phone cost quite a bit less than the actual phone.    


Gravity Falls Journal 3: book review

book review

Rating: 4 stars 

I recently purchased this book on Amazon and have already read all 288 pages. It is a very good book and it has plenty of secret codes to figure out. It is a good read overall, however i think it needs to use invisible ink and should include a black light to read the invisible ink. I recommend this book to people aged 10+. It is a book for people who like mystery and secrets, also the paranormal and weird. The book is set in Gravity Falls, and the story is about the weirdness of Gravity Falls and the main character’s decent into madness. It also shows the main events of the TV show Gravity Falls and the main character’s return from his trip across the dimensions.

By Callum Scrase